HOW TO BE A GRACIOUS B!TCH

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching.
Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parent's nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best-dressed mother- of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!
Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused.
'Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm Wearing it,' she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, 'Never mind sweetheart.
I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.'
A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress.
When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, 'Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it.
Her mother just smiled and replied, 'Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.'

NOW I ASK YOU - IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN'T
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9 Words Women Use

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

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